I dont even know where to start. my life should be a television show or atleast a really good book. This life has flown me all over the place in the past 2 years. Ive gone from one end of the mountains to the other, made some amazing friends, learned some great skills, i closed a chapter of my life with a partner of many years(finally) and started a new one with the birth of my daughter, Willow Isabel. I am starting yet another new chapter of my life with the recent ending of my employment with a company i spent many years with. It turned my life upside down and yet at the same time has turned it completely around. Right now, I just "am" I don't really know what is coming, and even though I have the ability and clairvoyance to find out, I choose not to. I like the element of surprise. I've never been one to abuse any gifts i was given. that is one that I clearly do not abuse or things would have obviously been alot easier! Life is what it is. Even though there are crazy challenges, doubt, fear etc, these are the things that mold us into the "who" we are. I would never want to compromise myself of that journey. so i choose to experience rather than walk knowingly. Its kinda like love spells. People ask me all the time to do them. I dont do them. EVER. i dont believe in it. I think its fucking with the inevitable. What is, will happen, what is not, should not be. People often dont know what they are asking for. I look at seeing the future much in the same way. if I steered clear of every challenge i knew was coming, i would have no character, no strength and no accomplishment. Although I am half way threw to the other side of the "mother" journey of maiden, mother, crone. I imagine in the future, i will probably choose different. if my character gets anymore colorful, i will have to invent a new spectrum of colors for the rainbow.
I am as always a hopeless optimist. I have not yet lost that part of me. And yes, the answer to the million dollar question that everyone is always asking that I am always so reluctant to answer, Yes, I am ready to move forward with love. I have been for quite sometime. As I had the conversation with my friend Rebecca quite some time ago. I mourned the loss of my partner, years before i closed the door. Closing the door on a completely unconventional, untimely and honestly an embarrasing situation was the hard part. It was not closing a door on love, as the song went, love dont live here anymore. It was opening a new door where people judged. I can handle judgement for myself. Ive always been different and always been judged. But i had no idea how I would handle people judging my daughter and the path I had chosen for her and I. I stayed quiet and played the role for awhile and realized I was making a grave mistake by doing that. I want happiness. and that is where I am. Finding my happiness on every level and letting it find me~
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