Its so cold out tonite. our first really cold couple of nites that weve had here in the mountains. The cold makes me sappy and lonely this time around. I love this time of year for the fires and good home cooked meals, reading good books, writing and cuddling to keep warm. Not so great when there is nobody to feel that way with. I dont understand alot of things anymore. I really want to put myself out there, because i know that is how you are suppose to work this relationship/dating crap. had a long chat with one of my bestfriends here today. her and I have always been kindred spirits. both of us are so alien to the way dating works nowadays. one thing that age gives you is this constant nagging of who you are. its a blessing and an emotional beating as well. I know who I am. I know what works for me and what doesnt. I dont believe in this crap of dating multiple people for months on end and figuring out if you want to take that chance with someone. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I do believe in immediate love. I think at some point in your life if you dont know what you want you never will. i mean i know exactly what i want and what i dont want and what person is worth compromising for and who i would not want to with. Im such a risk taker with my heart and love. I think falling head over heels is the most amazing feeling ever. that feeling of spinning and laughing and your heart being happy is worth the heartbreak if it doesnt work. Who cares if it doesnt work in the end. who cares if you get hurt. humans are so stupid, as if we actually have some sort of control over our emotions, especially of the heart. Like we can control a person hurting us. we have no control over someone else. all you can do is open up, fall and hope for the best. that is all you can ever do. no matter how perfect or fucked up a person is. I love when people are like, "I really like this person alot, but im scared they are gonna hurt me, so im gonna slow down" REALLY???? a little psychology and common sense to throw in there people. you are already caught! if you really like them, you might as well jump. if you dont you are setting yourself up for a worse heartache then that person could probably ever give you. the only thing worse than feeling the hurt from heartbreak, is not feeling the joy from love. the reason i say that its worse is because when we dont allow ourselves to be free and experience love and hapiness we set ourselves up for failure. the real failure is not allowing it. I dont fail. ever. I have had my heart broken so many times, ive lost count, more accurately i stopped counting! and for good reason, WHO CARES! that is my reason, who fricking cares! I would be a complete fool to force myself out of my own heart. heres to 35 years of jumping off cliffs into endless rivers of joy and heartbreaks. and falling forever and ever...
lyrics by one of my favorite lyrical songstress...Ani DiFranco
"Falling Is Like This"
You give me that look that's like laughing
with liquid in your mouth
like you're choosing between choking
and spitting it all out
like you're trying to fight gravity
on a planet that insists
that love is like falling
and falling is like this
Feels like reckless driving when we're talking
It's fun while it lasts, and it's faster than walking
But no one's going to sympathize when we crash
They'll say "you hit what you head for, you get what you ask"
and we'll say we didn't know, we didn't even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky
I'm sorry I can't help you, I cannot keep you safe
I'm sorry I can't help myself, so don't look at me that way
we can't fight gravity on a planet that insists
that love is like falling
and falling is like this.
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