So this morning Willow wakes up looks me square in the face and said her first word...Daddy. she doesn't even know her Daddy. Only a single mom would understand this. I think I need to just go cry....
I am sorry, my love. My boys were older when my marriage ended but it isn't easy at any age. I was/am a single mom too for the past 13 years. Know that we do the best we can with the circumstances that surround us. Willow has a strong mommy and she will grow into a strong, amazing, beautiful woman just like you. Hugs. I know it isn't easy.
Aww, Mama. That is hard, especially knowing that you are the one who is there 24/7. However, I have learned with my son that as they get older, they will come to realize and appreciate everything that you do for them. The most important advice that I can give you, which I have accepted and done myself is to be honest with Willow. Let her know the truth about whatever the situation is with her Dad. Never put him down or speak negatively about him to or around her. She will see this and respect it. I used to think that my son would resent me and blame me for his biological "sperm donor's" short comings, however, he realizes that it is his choice to be absent and that I didn't cause it. Continue to be the great Mother/Father that you can be and remember that although she chose Daddy to as her first word, she still has sentences to learn. "Daddy" may end up being followed by some reality check, influenced, sentences if you know what I mean. Don't take it, too, hard. Hey, my son's first word was not Mommy or Daddy...it was Geese! Geese, a nickname of course, was a mechanic who worked at the auto shop where I was working at the time...lol!So, don't feel bad. They are our kids, they are supposed to give us WTF moments and then some! Hugs and kisses to you honey bunny!
Thanks guys, It has been rough for me. She has been babbling for about a month now. saying yes and trying to say things like kitty and other words that she just says a couple of the sounds in the word. but this was the first complete and total word that she said. and she kept saying it over and over again. I cried my eyes out. not only bc in a completely jealous and feeling slighted way. I couldnt believe she said daddy before mama. i dont even really know how she said it bc nobody talks about her father in front of her. its one of my rules around Willow. believe me she has plenty of time to come to her own conclusion and she will. she doesnt need my opinion or assistance in seeing how it will be. but it made me realize that soon she is going to figure out what a daddy is. how in the hell do i do this?? i have been dreading the day this would happen. I dont know what to tell her when she asks one day. Being a single mom is the hardest job in the world. its not just all the responsibilities you have that are completely overwhelming. I fall apart all the time. I look like shit most days bc I dont have time always to look pretty. I never feel beautiful anymore. plus her father being an absentee father makes it hard later. She is going to figure it out. i know im strong, i have been through hell in life, but I dont know how strong I can be when my baby girl wants to know about or where her dad is. I never understood why my single mom friends drank so much until now. they seriously need something to let go. your mind races constantly....
it gets easier jenn. i fell apart all the time when j was around and after he was gone, even more--for a while--but we adjusted and i learned to share my experiences with kai with other people (your mom, friends, etc). just so you know, MOST kids say dada before mama. it is easier for their mouth muscles to form the word and in their new ability to make sound, just say what naturally comes out. it is more about their experience and less about the word they are saying. willow will know about her daddy intuitively and will have her chance to understand in time. and in raising our children with open hearts, the little ones can feel so open and supported by the love we give that it teaches understanding that they can love their daddies for who they are (difficulties and all)--even in absence and not feel badly in any way. love you jenn and little willow.
love you Nin. I know you understand this first hand. you dealt with the same exact thing. It was over a long time before it was over. Im happy I have Willow, bc if it wasnt for her at the very end, I would have wondered what the hell the 6 yrs were all about. She is what they were all about. She came completely unexpected when it was the right time for her to join this planet. I think I have done an alright job of accepting what happened and have grown tremendously from it. From time to time I get resentful bc of the single mom thing, as you know very well, but in any other way it was such a relief. You know that relief. Now if I could just find my own "Sean" life would be fan frigging tastic! love you all so much xoxoxoxoxox
5 comments:
I am sorry, my love. My boys were older when my marriage ended but it isn't easy at any age. I was/am a single mom too for the past 13 years. Know that we do the best we can with the circumstances that surround us. Willow has a strong mommy and she will grow into a strong, amazing, beautiful woman just like you. Hugs. I know it isn't easy.
Aww, Mama. That is hard, especially knowing that you are the one who is there 24/7. However, I have learned with my son that as they get older, they will come to realize and appreciate everything that you do for them. The most important advice that I can give you, which I have accepted and done myself is to be honest with Willow. Let her know the truth about whatever the situation is with her Dad. Never put him down or speak negatively about him to or around her. She will see this and respect it. I used to think that my son would resent me and blame me for his biological "sperm donor's" short comings, however, he realizes that it is his choice to be absent and that I didn't cause it. Continue to be the great Mother/Father that you can be and remember that although she chose Daddy to as her first word, she still has sentences to learn. "Daddy" may end up being followed by some reality check, influenced, sentences if you know what I mean. Don't take it, too, hard. Hey, my son's first word was not Mommy or Daddy...it was Geese! Geese, a nickname of course, was a mechanic who worked at the auto shop where I was working at the time...lol!So, don't feel bad. They are our kids, they are supposed to give us WTF moments and then some! Hugs and kisses to you honey bunny!
Thanks guys, It has been rough for me. She has been babbling for about a month now. saying yes and trying to say things like kitty and other words that she just says a couple of the sounds in the word. but this was the first complete and total word that she said. and she kept saying it over and over again. I cried my eyes out. not only bc in a completely jealous and feeling slighted way. I couldnt believe she said daddy before mama. i dont even really know how she said it bc nobody talks about her father in front of her. its one of my rules around Willow. believe me she has plenty of time to come to her own conclusion and she will. she doesnt need my opinion or assistance in seeing how it will be. but it made me realize that soon she is going to figure out what a daddy is. how in the hell do i do this?? i have been dreading the day this would happen. I dont know what to tell her when she asks one day. Being a single mom is the hardest job in the world. its not just all the responsibilities you have that are completely overwhelming. I fall apart all the time. I look like shit most days bc I dont have time always to look pretty. I never feel beautiful anymore. plus her father being an absentee father makes it hard later. She is going to figure it out. i know im strong, i have been through hell in life, but I dont know how strong I can be when my baby girl wants to know about or where her dad is. I never understood why my single mom friends drank so much until now. they seriously need something to let go. your mind races constantly....
it gets easier jenn. i fell apart all the time when j was around and after he was gone, even more--for a while--but we adjusted and i learned to share my experiences with kai with other people (your mom, friends, etc). just so you know, MOST kids say dada before mama. it is easier for their mouth muscles to form the word and in their new ability to make sound, just say what naturally comes out. it is more about their experience and less about the word they are saying. willow will know about her daddy intuitively and will have her chance to understand in time. and in raising our children with open hearts, the little ones can feel so open and supported by the love we give that it teaches understanding that they can love their daddies for who they are (difficulties and all)--even in absence and not feel badly in any way. love you jenn and little willow.
love you Nin. I know you understand this first hand. you dealt with the same exact thing. It was over a long time before it was over. Im happy I have Willow, bc if it wasnt for her at the very end, I would have wondered what the hell the 6 yrs were all about. She is what they were all about. She came completely unexpected when it was the right time for her to join this planet. I think I have done an alright job of accepting what happened and have grown tremendously from it. From time to time I get resentful bc of the single mom thing, as you know very well, but in any other way it was such a relief. You know that relief. Now if I could just find my own "Sean" life would be fan frigging tastic! love you all so much xoxoxoxoxox
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