NO just fucking NO

and there it is...just when Im starting to get back to me. Just when I think its finally over and we can both move on because its been 7 years since us! You show up like a thief in the nite.  Go away.  Im not here anymore.  you should know, you took her away. now go away

 I hope I haunt you every day of your life.  I hope everytime you look down at your arm and see my face and my name and my star with my favorite color, you want to rip your skin off.  I hope everytime you see a woman with freckles, your fingers go numb thinking about how you loved the freckles on my lip and use to run your fingers over them.  I hope everytime you see a star, your tortured about how you will never see your favorite little tiny red star on the back of my shoulder again.  NEVER EVER AGAIN.  I hope you remember my eyes forever and the way you use to say they were like red amber honey.  I hope you will never forget the way they were filled with tears and how you said that look will always haunt you.  Im glad it does.  I hope you still can feel the way that I wrapped myself around you when I hugged you.  I hope you miss my hair and the way it smelled like "the Goddess" as you called it.   I hope the fact that I had a baby after you denied me everything when you promised me anything my soul wanted.   I hope it keeps you up at nite. I also hope my words that " I will never come back to you", after you begged me, sobbing to come back that it was the worse mistake you ever made.  Im glad it replays in your mind over and over.   Maybe now you will understand, the smallest fraction of what you stole from me.   That free spirited gypsy soul.  The artist.  The girl that laughed all the time and opened up to people and was "free like the wind" in your words. The most beautiful girl you ever met in your life, as you use to tell people.  The girl that sang and smiled and believed in people and had no fear.  That girl that I have worked so hard to get back for 7 years! 7 fucking years! You will never have her again.  You dont deserve her.  You shattered my existence and I have worked too hard to regain that existence.  I will love like that again.  I will love better than that.  More intense.  More love.  More trust.  Promises that wont be broken. Youve had me, but you will never have that again, because that girl doesnt exist anymore.  I am better than that now.  I am a woman now, that even still steeped with fear and doubt most days, I know I am worth every star in the sky.   I know my soul is true.  I know my heart is real because it has been smashed and rebuilt.  I am stronger now than you ever knew.  You prepared me for my future.  You forced me to dig deeper into my soul than I knew existed.  You taught me how to get up and fight for what I believe in, even if it takes forever to find true love.  I have found it in myself. I now have the ability to love truly. If you wouldnt have shattered me, I wouldnt be the amazing woman that I am today.  The amazing woman that will one day love again.  And they will deserve the love that I have worked so hard to turn into something extraordinary.  There will be no hurt, no pain because I have replaced hurt and pain in my life with love.  It does not exist for me any longer.  So in the end, Thank you for spiraling me helplessly and completely out of control into my future and all that is in my destiny.  ~Estrella